Tattoos and Toenails: Speculations, Conspiracies, Doubts, and Judgments

Tattoos and Toenails: Speculations, Conspiracies, Doubts, and Judgments: "Wow. What a week...or month..or two! From the earthquakes and radiation, the tornadoes that ravished through the southeast, killing so m..."

Speculations, Conspiracies, Doubts, and Judgments

Wow.  What a week...or month..or two!  From the earthquakes and radiation, the tornadoes that ravished through the southeast, killing so many in their path to the shocking turn in world events regarding Osama Bin Laden...add that to the myriad of issues that seem to me to be increasingly polarizing...the environment, the economy, human rights, workers' rights, politics, health, what we eat, products we buy, and yes, even the most recent royal wedding..the list goes on.  Even subjects like yoga, a practice that has evolved from a casual interest in my life to a passion and vocation, have become controversial, evoking conflicting opinions from what is the "best" or "correct" styles to religious and dogmatic implications. 

I find myself, in my mid-forties-quickly-sliding-closer-to-fifty, realizing that so little is a "given" in this world..no matter what I may have thought for the past forty-plus years.  Once again I am reminded:  "the older I get, the more I know the less I know"...and you can correctly quote ME on that. 

Living in the metro Atlanta area and mercifully spared from the destruction of the storms last week, I personally felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and perspective mixed with sympathy and sorrow.  Only an hour or so north of my home, tornadoes ripped through towns and flattening all it their path.  Such a close call.....it felt as if we dodged a huge bullet..and we did.  Many of my close friends and I rode an emotional roller coaster ride that evening, preparing for the worse, hoping for the best, and watching the weather reports until we felt it was safe to finally go to sleep without fear of a twister ripping through our homes.  After several hours glued to the computer and TV, a little after midnight, an explosive thunder and lightening bolt touched down around what felt like a foot away from my bedroom window, followed by about 15 minutes or so of pounding rain, and then it was over.  I went to sleep feeling safe and warm and at the time, unaware of the fact that hundreds of people frighteningly close to Atlanta had lost their lives...and MANY more had lost homes and belongings. 

In the dark cool hours before the sun rises, I often find myself sitting at my laptop, sipping tea and contemplating about the day ahead.  My sweet mutts and big orange tabby generally rally around me waiting for their breakfast or a walk while I catch up on emails, study for school, and check the news and facebook.  It feels very peaceful and quiet, and all the turmoil swirling around the world seems so detached from my life.  But it really isn't.  Whether I feel it or not in the moment, we are all connected.  My initial feeling of peacefulness and connection, though, of late, has been compromised with an overwhelming feeling of information overload and confusion..and frustration even.  More than ever, polarizing views, often inflammatory and judgmental opinions, dogma of all sorts seem to prevail.  Topics that were once a given, now are up for debate and criticism.  Is this just a natural universal shift of increasing awareness and mindfulness?  Or is it a sign of disillusionment or even of a sinister nature?

I don't know the answers.  I do know that in my own journey of growth a common mantra has been: "When I know better, I do better."  Growing up on Big Macs and frozen dinners and canned food, along with witnessing my father's lung cancer diagnosis and subsequent death when I was 20, led me to learn about health and nutrition, and now I am nearly certified as a nutritional consultant from Hawthorn University.  I learned a long time ago not to automatically trust information just because it was fed to me via the news or government.  My belief is that the USDA and FDA and many large corporations such as Monsanto and many (most) pharmaceutical companies have only their best interests..ie..$$$$..in mind and certainly not the best interests of the general public.  The current debate over vaccinations and autism continues with conflicting studies and opinions, as well as the dangers (or not) of genetically modified foods and pesticides, plastics, and so on.  The list is seemingly endless. 

Today we have access to more information than ever before, and we are bombarded with it.  The internet has exposed me to information about the horrors behind how we get bananas, wool, chocolate, and even computer parts and flowers.  It's great to be aware and learn, though it can certainly be daunting.  No action is without some sort of consequence somewhere.  Just being alive is going to leave a footprint that is invariably going to be stomping on top of someone or some thing.  It's unavoidable.

And on top of all this knowledge, some believe that nothing we hear is true.  Just in the past 2 or 3 days, I have heard conflicting theories about 911, Obama's birth certificate, Osama Bin Laden, HAARP, chemtrails, and more.  It makes my head spin...and hurt.  And right when I have formed an opinion, another view comes to light and I wonder if I should entertain it at all or simply choose to avoid spending any time or energy on it. 

What I do find is this...ultimately, giving too much headspace to all these issues is counterproductive and immobilizing for me.  I'm guessing it is for some others too.  I repeat, I don't know the answers.  I don't know if there is a plot, as one of my friends believes with all her heart, that there are secret societies that control our government and news with sinister plans against humanity.  I don't know if Osama was actually killed 10 years ago, the other day, or if he is still alive somewhere.  I don't know the definitively best way of living or eating for all of the planet.  I do know that the scope of what I don't know is way larger than what I do know.

I've come to a few conclusions:
1: There is no ONE way that works for every living being on the planet and it is not my place to judge others' decisions.
2: Most issues have many shades of gray and are not simply black/white, right/wrong, or healthy/unhealthy.
3: Most of us (I include myself) have mindsets that are often already set and will hear what they want to hear.
4: Living in a state of fear of the unknown is not productive for anyone.
5: Having a healthy concern and curiosity for knowledge is not the same as being fearful or being a consipracy theorist.
6: Being a skeptic and being a cynic are not the same thing...though some can be both.
7: Keeping an open mind and working toward making positive choices daily and surrendering that for which I have no control is a huge key to my happiness.
8: I can either go crazy and live in a scary world, only focusing on negative, destructive thoughts, or I can make it a priority to live in the moment, at least for today.
9: I will never know all the answers.
10: If I ever do know all the answers...whatever that means..most likely it won't happen during this lifetime.

For today, reflect for a moment.  Are you living in fear or do you have a sense of peace?  Are you willing to take at least one step today towards achieving some peace, or contentment with you and your connection to the universe? 

Tear Infused Beauty

 So I'm driving down the road and a feeling of overwhelming heaviness overcame me...tears started welling up in my eyes.  By the time I careened into my driveway and parked, the dam broke and the waterfall washed over me.  Cathartic and cleansing, yet surprising to me..it was more than crying; bawling really.  Rare.  I sat in my reliable 98 Camry, comfortable on my well worn (well, torn) leather seats, the sunroof open to let the sun coat me in her rays while I bawled.  The contrast of my life in that moment and the suffering happening in Japan so blatantly unfair and painful..it was nearly too much to bear.  I'm not one to embrace guilt or worry as viable means of coping as I find both generally nonproductive, if not harmful.  However, guilt came to mind..or at least the hint of guilt..as a wave of emotions infused my very being.  Sad, helpless, pissed, hopeless, scared, worried, fearful even...all understatements describing my feelings.  And it wasn't just the tsunami..or the earthquakes..or the erupting volcano..or the explosion and possible impending meltdown at the nuclear power plant.  Perhaps all those events added to what has already been a challenging time of economic uncertainty and political unfairness for the world....unrest.

I'm actually a very positive and upbeat person who loves being a yoga teacher, studying nutrition, selling vintage jewelry and being a mom to an awesome healthy 21 yr old college boy.  I seek and see the good in nearly all situations.  Even during the 7 weeks or so that my elderly (and very depressed and difficult) mother lived with me up until a few weeks ago, I was able to smile and be of service most of the time.  I'm not even close to being perfect, and I share many thoughts and articles and information with my friends and acquaintances that I have found to be helpful to me..subjects near and dear to my heart: nutrition, holistic health, yoga, food and body issues, and more.  I share these things because I figure if it helps me, maybe it can help someone else as well.  I'm not ashamed to be the flawed and imperfect human that I am.  I'm grateful. 

Spring is here.  Nearly every room in my home, including my yoga studio has an amazing view of a huge white flowering tree that, for eighteen seasons now has symbolized not just the change or seasons, but also the joy of the moment and hope for the future.  Today that tree is truly in its glory, faithful to me as I sit here enjoying it as I write.  My son is home for spring break, the dogs and cat are all happy and lounging in rays of sunlight..outside for a while, now inside, and I have been able to do what I love...teaching yoga classes.  It's a brilliant pre-spring day in Atlanta...daffodils, hyacinths, tulip poplars...bursting open all over.  Kids playing in the yards, people jogging and riding their bikes, hanging out at parks...to imagine the contrast of the experience of people in Japan at this moment.  Or Libya.  Or of anyone who is suffering anywhere on the planet.  The homeless person.  The family losing their home or job.  Not comparing one event with the other....just reflecting and finding the challenge to settle into gratitude without the infusion of guilt or sorrow or worry.

Life is good. 

Yet, it's just been especially challenging to embrace the uncertainty of life and of the world lately.  And I find myself with a tinge of guilt wondering if I'm being untrue to my yoga..not the asanas..physically I practice nearly every day.  Yoga, however, is so much more.  It's what I do when I am not on my mat.  It's my thoughts, my intentions, my actions.  To dwell on negative or allow situations to affect me so deeply and intensely..to take it on and feel fear..all rare for me.  But I am human.  Being true to myself and to my feelings is my true nature.  And sometimes those feelings ebb and flow in ways that are not my control.  To ignore them would be a lie. 

I came across this helpful article earlier: A Buddhist Response to the Japan Tsunami

Crying felt good the other day.  Today I am embracing the beauty and imperfections, allowing tears to flow if they appear, and connecting with my inner peace and serenity. 

That Damn "Not a Destination" Crap..and RIP Jack LaLanne

2011 has barely begun and already my southern neighbors and I have survived the most intense ice storm Atlanta has seen on over a decade.  Many of us set resolutions and have high expectations each year around this time, only to set the bar so high that we quickly either lose momentum or become disappointed, falling short of achieving these lofty goals.

With yoga, however, we learn to let go of the goals and instead, set intentions to focus on the moment and to find contentment and grace in the process.  Sure, it may be a cliché, yet it is true...life IS a journey...not a destination.  In my twenties, I had all sorts of expectations on what my life should look like.  I made many less than ideal decisions based on these expectations.  Shortly before my 30th birthday, I was faced with some health challenges...as a single mom with a small child, I was in fear and made drastic changes as a result.  While my health improved, the fear based motivation eventually backfired, and in my late 30s, I found myself again at a crossroads.  This is when I accidentally found yoga...I say accidentally because I had no idea that showing up at a Bikram class in hopes of dropping a few pounds would result in yoga being my new path and vocation. 

Now, in my mid 40s, I realize more than ever that there is no final place when the work ends...it's ALL a process.  The moment lies in the space in between each breath....that's where the magic happens.  Yoga is a vehicle to find this space.  It's not the way...however, it is the way that resonated for me..and for so many others.  I'm not "there" yet.  Yoga helps me find my voice...the one that my students hear and the inner voice of truth that, when I truly am still and can listen, tells me exactly what I need to hear (even when it is not what I want to hear!).

Today I'm faced with a few challenges..an elderly mother who can be very stubborn (so that's who I got it from!), a sore mouth from gum surgery last week (delving within to find gratitude for being able to take care of my medical needs, painful as it may be), and other growing pains around various choices and situations that I have created. 

Right before I went to sleep last night, I read about the passing of Jack LaLanne, the 96 year old fitness icon and guru who I had, prior to the news, thought would outlive most of us.   Ahead of his time, Jack discussed topics such as sugar addiction and the mind-body connection over half a century ago in the early 1960s, way before doctors or the mainstream would broach such subjects.  He was and continues to be an inspiriation to me, and serves to punctuate the idea that we are not here to simply reach some sort of lofty goal and then rest.  Instead we are these spirits who grow and learn and serve and enjoy, constantly changing and moving.  When we cease to learn, we cease living...regardless of whether or not our heartbeats continue.  Jack surely lived a full life until the very end.  I'm grateful to have such a fine example of a humble and strong individual.  Rest in peace Jack...though I have a feeling Jack's still of service somewhere to someone....just not on a dimension that most can see.




One of my favorite videos of Jack:




And here is one I just saw for the first time:



Namaste...Jack and all.

New Year's Day is just a Day....

For the record, I am quite likely one of the closest things to the polar opposite of a "Debby Downer" you may meet.  Not unrealistic or naïve, mind you...more like the kind of person who works at being positive as much as possible.  I'm not always succesful.  Being human does that...all that imperfectionism and all. 

Which brings me to the whole, often anticlimactic, expectation oriented "New Year's Resolution" mind set that seems to be such an overlying theme every year around this time.  For many years, I was a victim to this type of thinking, and, in fact, I can easily fall back into it if I'm not mindful of the moment and my own reality. 

I am not judging nor criticizing those who use the arbitrary date of January 1st as a time of beginning anew.  If it works for someone, then I think that is awesome and it should be implemented wholeheartedly.  For me, though, well, history shows that it has rarely worked and often has led me to failure.  Additionally, my observations of others around this time shows that my experience is fairly common.  All those January months over the years at the gym or yoga studio where classes were overfilled and exercise equipment had waiting lists of people who were, once and for all, going to get fit....the same people who, for the months prior, had been indulging in lifestyle  habits that were far less than optimal while proclaiming "after the new year, I am going to get in shape and make some changes!"  Hey, I know...I've been this person.  Of course, these are often the same people who by February, if not earlier, had sunk back into the old habits...a misnomer since "old" would imply they are no longer practiced.  Evidently they once again are "current habits". 

Again, I speak from my own experience both as the "old habits" practicing New-Year's-Resolutioner and the observers of friends and acquaintances who seem to have similar patterns. 

Twenty five years ago today, my father passed away, and for many years after, I would get depressed and indulge in behaviors that were self destructive and unhealthy.  Every year I set myself up for this type of failure, until one year, after the Jewish calendar Yahrzeit anniversary, which was never on the same day two years in a row, I realized that my mindset was a decision based on a man-made and quite random day each year.

So, today, and each day...no, make that each moment...is a new one...a chance, an opportunity to decide to create the life and reality I want.  Sure, it's great to have goals and intentions, and if January 1st works for you, then I am certainly not going to condemn that decision.  However, for me, it has shown to add to self judgment, even resentment, and as 2011 begins, much in the manner that 2010 began 365 days ago, I will once again begin my day with the same intention as I do pretty much everyday....to have the intentions and willingness to take actions towards that will lead to a place of optimal health on all levels.

One more thing..if you DO set resolutions, please remember...you are human.  Each moment is precious and unique and everything generally will eventually work out.   Beating ourselves up for being imperfect or judging our actions or even worse, our SELVES as failures is never a good practice and will not lead us to the results we deserve.  A new moment, day, or year can be at ANY moment day or time you choose. 

Now...just praying that there are NO more half price sales on Ben and Jerry's...and praying for the willingness to set positive intentions to align myself with all things that serve me best!

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Much Love and Light

On the Surface

It's been what seems like forever since I last wrote here...so many great topics have fluttered through my mind.  My monkey mind...so much so, that I haven't been able to latch onto one theme long enough to feel fuly inspired.  Today, however, I some thoughts finally seemed to congeal somewhat.  So here I am.

In the current political climate, which seems increasingly intertwined with religious and core values, science, and basic personality differences, I find myself often vacillating somewhere between a pure yogic state of serenity and non judgment to downright frustration and even anger.  I strive to be of service to others and have more than tolerance....compassion and acceptance.

I'm successful at these intentions most of the time.  And I am human and my ego shows up at times too.  Yes, I'm very much human.  I admit it...sometimes my opinions shift all the way over to judgment...not a very enlightened state of being, to say the least.

I recently engaged in a discussion with someone who proclaimed authoritatively that buying organic food was a luxury and someone who received government assistance should not be able to enjoy such a luxury.  As someone pursuing my holistic nutritional consultant certification as well as a liberal minded individual with much more left than right leaning tendencies, I view an organic diet not only as an individual's right, but as a way to be healthier, thus reducing potential medical expenses in the long run.  Furthermore, I don't think it is anyone's right make that decision for someone else whether or not that person is on welfare or food assistance.  Whatever it may appear like on the surface is not the whole story.  Other recent debates included judgments of a woman buying electric curlers who was also on welfare and a medicaid patient with gold teeth.  My feeling?  I'm not them...I don't know their story nor is it my business. If people are allowed to decide what is a luxury or a maximum limit to a particular item, then who sets the limits and at what amounts?  Do I get to vote on what kind of car or home someone gets to own if they are also receiving some sort of financial aid from the government?

Not only do I feel it is wrong to be judgmental and view others on the surface appearances, I also am willing to be a compassionate and open minded citizen who would hopefully be compassionate and understanding.  My father instilled a sense of the Golden Rule in me from a very young age and it always stayed with me.  I certainly am not above needing help myself one day, and I hope others can give me a chance if so.

I have strong convictions with these thoughts...these opinions.  They are core values of mine and while i want them to be respected, I also have to extend that same respect and work towards non-judgment towards those who don't agree.  It's simple really...though darn, for me...it is not always easy!

I view much (maybe most; maybe all?) of life as a test.  And all experiences, situations, and people with whom I come into contact are generally all there for some sort of reason or learning experience.  Friends, old and new, housemates, fellow yoga practitioners and teachers, acquaintances...all little life lessons in the making.  Being vulnerable despite the potential pain...going out of my comfort zone only to reset that zone.  One lesson I've learned is that it is generally not about me;  in fact, I think I'll be so bold as to say it is definitely not about me.  I think often many of us, myself included, often only look at the surface of a person or situation.  It's natural.  Checking out the book cover to see if you want to read the book. Judging.  It applies to so much and most people are guilty of it.  Recent discussions on a political nature have made it even clearer to me how people judge.  And rather than point my finger at them to somehow elevate my own ego, which, by the way, is damn tempting, I have to pause and realize that this is simply a mirror for my own judgmental nature.

A recent housemate and I, who sometimes clashed due to, in my opinion, our similarities rather than our differences, taught me much about respecting others' paths to their own growth and enlightenment.  It showed me that I don't have to defend or fight so much to get my viewpoint across (no matter how right I may think I am)...they deserve their own path, as do I.  We each have our own story, our own history and experiences which shape us, so how dare I be so arrogant as to assume my mindset is superior.  If we could only look at people and somehow see a bit beneath the surface...their pain, their story...then maybe the judgments or simple "tolerance" would cease...and compassion and acceptance would prevail.

Years ago when I had an antiques store, a group of people walked in.  When I happily greeted them, they seemed to ignore me.  My immediate reaction was to judge them as rude and inconsiderate people.  Then they turned around and I could see that they were deaf and were signing at each other rather than talking.  I remember thinking then how wrong I was to be so quick to assume the worse...making this about me and how it affected my feelings, without even knowing the whole situation.  So, when the guy who pulled out in front of me in traffic the other day started honking at me, even though clearly I was already in the road and certainly not in the wrong...rather than get upset, I instantly looked a little beneath the surface of the situation and figured that maybe he had a rough day, a fight with his wife or coworker, a sick kid...something.  But it definitely was not about me.

I recently contacted two old and dear friends who I'd had partings with.  I stuck out an olive branch and neither responded.  I can't say I know what's beneath the surface...and I cannot say a different outcome would have been desirable to me.  I can, however, say that I did my part and have to leave the rest to the universe.  And it's not about me.

I think we all judge at times.  For me, the answer to stopping with the judging of others is to first stop with the judging and comparing of ourselves.  Then the compassion comes in.  And acceptance.  And the willingness to acknowledge that below the surface, things often tell a very different story than the initial view.  Will you take a moment to pause to allow that process?  Will you find compassion within for yourself?  If not, how can you find it for others?  We each have our own paths to follow.....

Namaste~

The Pink Elephant in The Room

Greetings.  I debated writing about this in light of the current Breast Cancer Awareness month, but I just could not remain silent any longer.  I get it.  Breast cancer.  The big "C".  I know that according to statistics, about one in every eight woman in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in her life. I'm 45...I have been out with girlfriends and thought that in our group, it would be a rare thing if at least one of us didn't have to personally address this diagnosis.

So, for years, we have walked, run, purchased products with pink ribbons, worn pink ribbons, donated time and money and energy in efforts to "Race for the Cure" or at least, increase awareness.  While i respect and agree with the idea of increasing awareness and perhaps even eliminating breast cancer entirely, I cannot simply sit idly at the sidelines anymore.  I've raced and raised money.  I have the T shirt to prove it.  But no longer. 

It's October, the traditional month for breast cancer awareness, and this year I want to increase awareness of the "pink scam" that has been going on for years.  Not only do the many companies who place a cute little pink ribbon on their products in efforts to "increase awareness", while simply pocketing the revenue, nothing going towards actual research; but the actual companies who are behind the breast cancer industry is run by pharmaceutical companies and corporations who PROFIT by breast cancer treatments.   And don't even get me started on the crazy campaign regarding Kentucky Fried Chicken and their "Pink Bucket" , who, with Susan B Komen are teaming up..ironic how it is overlooked that the toxic, inhumanely raised chemical laden chickens, deep fried, pesticide laden non-food like substances sold by KFC are very likely some of the contributing factors to the ever growing epidemic of breast cancer in our society.  Yes, I admit it: this pisses me off.

I was recently in the waiting room at my mom's geriatric doctor's office and noticed a magazine, sponsored by a mainstream medical association, which focused on breast health and cancer.  While mentions of self examinations, mammograms and drugs where made, not  one  mention of contributing factors such as phtalates, excitotoxins, pesticides, diet or holistic treatments (alternative or integratitive) were to be found. 

I think it is terrific to be aware, concerned, and proactive; I just think we have been duped as a society into donating a lot of time and money to hypocritical companies which are not only adding to the contributing factors of breast cancer, but also who have a conflict of interest and make their money by selling drugs to treat breast cancer.  The focus and money needs to go to breast cancer..or make that just plain cancer prevention and corporations like Ford, major drug companies, and KFC should be seen for what they really are: profit driven giants whose intentions are simply misguided and possibly even harmful.

OK....I'll shut up.  For now. 
Namaste~Lisa